Mike Judge’s Texas-based cartoon King of the Hill aired on Fox from 1997 to 2010. The series followed the everyday trials and tribulations of the Hill family, as well as their friends, families, and neighbors. Judge wanted the show to be a homage to the Texas town he spent time in as a youth.
One of the most memorable characters on the show is Hank’s next-door neighbor, Dale Gribble, a self-employed exterminator who spends most of his life in his basement investigating conspiracy theories and preparing for the end times. Dale’s paranoia knows no bounds, but he still manages to be a devoted husband and father. This chain-smoking Texan has found himself in some of the most laughable scenarios in the series, and here are his 10 most hilarious quotes.
10 “Are You Attempting To Know Me?”
Dale isn’t always the warmest or most forthcoming person, and he usually assumes most people are government agents sent to assassinate him. In Season 7, he meets a female exterminator after his neighborhood is overwhelmed by pigeons. They turn out to have quite a bit in common.
While Dale believes they are developing a friendship, the woman has more than platonic feelings for Dale. Once he realizes what’s going on, he shuts the woman down. Dale, it turns out, is both madly in love and completely devoted to his wife Nancy.
9 “I Sure Hope They Have Cigarettes In Hell.”
In addition to his sunglasses and orange Mack hat, Dale is always equipped with a pack of cigarettes. He’s a true addict, and he smokes so much that he’s won every rebate prize imaginable from his favorite company, Manitoba Cigarettes.
Throughout the series, in every perilous situation he finds himself in, Dale always pulls out a spare cigarette. He’s intent upon enjoying one last smoke before the end. The end, though, never seems to come.
8 “The Peanuts Are Emitting Toxins As An Evolutionary Defense Mechanism. They’re Tired Of Being Eaten, and Now They’re Fighting Back.”
This is one of Dale’s many half-brained conspiracy theories, which usually involves tales of revenge, deep state cover-ups, and sci-fi intrigue. Dale has a massive imagination, and he uses it to conceive of the many ways the world is out to get him.
Dale represents the type of person who buys into all the A.M. radio hosts who spend hours every day riling up listeners with their bombastic ideas. At one point, Dale even sets up his own radio station from his basement on Rainey Street, although his range doesn’t go very far.
7 “My name Is Shackleford, Rusty Shackleford.”
Dale is prepared to give up his life and assume a new identity if the crap hits the proverbial fan. He even has an alter-ego: Rusty Shackleford. This is the name of one of Dale’s classmates, who died when he was young.
Whenever Dale gets wrapped up in ridiculous plots or fears someone is out to get him, he always employs Rusty Shackleford. In Season 11, it turns out Rusty never died, but moved away from Arlen as a child. He comes back to confront Dale about why he’s used his name so much over the years.
6 “Why Would I Have A Problem With It? John Redcorn’s Gay, And I’ve Been Friends With Him For Years!”
A running joke throughout the first half of King of Hill involves Dale’s total obliviousness to the fact that his wife Nancy is having an affair with a masseuse named John Redcorn. While it’s clear to everyone around Dale what’s happening, he’s completely in the dark.
The most striking indication of Nancy’s discretion is the son she shares with Dale, Joseph, who is a mirror image of John Redcorn. Still, Dale has no idea what’s going on. It seems Dale is too focused on bigger schemes to realize what’s happening in his own backyard.
5 “Are You An Alien? Because You’ve Just Abducted My Heart.”
Dale’s speculations about the true nature of the government include alien invasions, and it’s implied he suspects they have infiltrated the top political offices in the country. He’s spent endless hours on the internet attempting to find justification for his beliefs.
When Dale tries to flirt with his wife, he uses his extraterrestrial knowledge to come up with a pretty clever pick-up line.
4 “I Hear Mega Lo Mart Is Taking Bids For A Rat Problem.”
Dale is an effective exterminator, yet he rarely takes the proper precautions to protect himself from the toxic fumes he emits or the dangerous creatures he encounters. He’s also known to keep dead carrion in his freezer. Gross.
At one point, Dale becomes so sick from the chemicals he uses to kill pests that he’s told by doctors he will die if he keeps exterminating. In true form, Dale refuses to stop until he finds himself in a hospital bed.
3 “Pocket Sand! Sh-sh-sha!”
Dale believes he’s a talented fighter, an advanced martial artist, and a prepared survivalist. However, whenever he ends up in scary situations, he’s always the first to crack.
In Season 6, Dale loses his bid to become president of the Arlen Gun Club after accidentally firing his gun during a meeting. Hank comes up with a plan to give Dale a boost of confidence after the defeat. It turns out Dale has been posting a private investigator ad in Soldier of Fortune magazine for years, and Hank calls in to request Dale’s help in a made-up problem. It doesn’t go as planned, but Dale does get to employ his pocket sand defense.
2 “Open Up Your Eyes, Man. They’re Trying To Control Global Warming. Get It? Global.”
Dale manages to turn any normal conversation into a strange discussion of intrigue and trickery. When Arlen is hit with a terrible heatwave, Dale uses his distorted logic to connect the high temperatures to a major cabal.
According to Dale, global warming is part of an international plot to control the weather and, thus, people. His proof is in the title.
1 “Booooo! I Am A High-Priced Washington Lobbyist, Peddling Influence! Who Wants Candy?”
One Halloween, Dale comes up with the scariest costume he can imagine: a Washington lobbyist. One benefit of Dale’s decades of research into the government is that he has pretty substantial knowledge of how it works.
He’s able to help his friends navigate bureaucracy, find important documents, and work through legal issues. Even if Dale is ready to bail at the slightest indication of hazard, he’s not always the worst person to have around.
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