Retro-Cast: If Lady Bird Was Made In The 1980s

Greta Gerwig’s coming-of-age film Lady Bird is a love letter to Sacramento and growing up. Anchored by the tumultuous relationship between Christine “Lady Bird” McPherson and her mother, Marion, the film became one of the best movies to explore the mother-daughter relationship in recent years and has the longevity to become a classic due in part to the honest performances of its cast. But what would change if this film centered around one teen’s angst and self-exploration was made in the 1980s?

In a decade of films featuring powerful and poignant mother-daughter relationships, Lady Bird would fit right in during the 1980s. And with its modern cast booming into stardom over the last few years, the retro-cast could hold some hidden star power.

10 Laura Dern as Christine “Lady Bird” McPherson

Strong-willed, highly opinionated, and craving a place with culture, Christine “Lady Bird” McPherson is the embodiment of teenage entitlement and self-expression. Following her final year at her Catholic high school as she tries to find her true identity while living under her mother’s judgmental eye, the A24 coming-of-age story is one of the best in the genre. Saoirse Ronan brings genuine heart to her performance, along with a silver-tongue snark that makes Lady Bird’s biting remarks to others feel incredibly real.

Laura Dern was just getting her footing in Hollywood in the 1980s, but she formed an endearing creative partnership and friendship with director David Lynch that mirrors Ronan’s relationship with Gerwig. Her performance in Blue Velvet proves she can portray Lady Bird’s complex and rapid shift from adolescence to adulthood with the right amount of care. Plus, Dern performing the voicemail monologue at the film’s finale would cause even the toughest critic to choke up.

9 Elizabeth Montgomery as Marion McPherson

“I want you to be the very best version of yourself that you can be,” Marion McPherson tells her daughter as they shop for her prom dress. This line, along with Lady Bird’s rebuttal, “What if this is the best version?” became one of Lady Bird‘s most memorable quotes. The antagonist in Lady Bird’s eye, Marion is an overworked nurse who pushes her daughter to be better. The brutal honesty Laurie Metcalf uses to deliver her lines makes each dig feel like a slap in the face.

Metcalf found success on television decades before receiving an Academy Award nomination for Lady Bird. For Marion’s 1980s counterpart, Bewitched star Elizabeth Montgomery would pull on her blue scrubs to become the stern, yet loving mother. A sitcom actress, getting to see Montgomery go against the grain of her iconic Samantha Stephens would be a delightful sight. She spent much of her post-Bewitched career trying to play against type, and Marion McPherson might be the perfect role for this goal.

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8 James Garner as Larry McPherson

Larry McPherson’s role in his family is to be the mediator between his wife and daughter, a role he has years of practice at by the time the film begins. He is his daughter’s biggest supporter, working in secret with her to make her East Coast college dreams a reality even after losing his job. Larry has suffered from depression in silence for years and Tracy Letts brings this quiet ache into his performance. His Larry is gentle, reassuring, and dedicated to making things work for his family, but still battling his own demons.

James Garner, a well-known film and television actor by the time the 1980s rolled around, would fill the role with ease. Garner’s charm and often understated emotions would help bring a slightly different Larry to life. His Oscar-nominated performance in 1985’s Murphy’s Romance along with his performance in The Notebook two decades later proves he has the emotional depth needed to portray this fatherly figure with the same care as Letts.

7 John Leguizamo as Miguel McPherson

Not much is known or said about the first McPherson child, Miguel. The young man works at the local grocery store with his girlfriend Shelly, the couple favoring more alternative fashion and lifestyle choices compared to other Sacramento residents. Miguel is presumed to be Lady Bird’s adopted brother, but the film never outright states this, adding to the slight tension between the two siblings.

In the 1980s, John Leguizamo was about a decade away from his big break with films like Super Mario Bros. and Romeo + Juliet. A bit player for much of his early career, a role like Miguel would give Leguizamo more to play with and explore emotionally. Although a supporting character Lady Bird rarely acknowledges herself, Miguel spends much of his screentime helping his sister and Leguizamo would be a great addition to the cast in the role.

6 Mindy Cohn as Julie Steffans

Lady Bird’s greatest ally is her best friend, Julie Steffans. Played by Beanie Feldstein two years before her breakout role as Molly Davidson in 2019’s Booksmart, Julie is a meeker take on the geeky girl stereotype. Dedicated to her studies and theatrical pursuits, she has an earnest air about her and tries to include Lady Bird in everything even as she’s pushed aside for a more popular group of friends. The falling out between the two of them during a fight about the school’s production of The Tempest is one of the many things Gerwig’s film nails about growing up.

Mindy Cohn is best known for her role as Natalie Green in The Facts of Life. Natalie has more confidence than Julie, something Cohn could bring with her to the role. Similar to Feldstein, Cohn has impeccable comedic timing that would keep Julie’s awkward moments—namely the scene where she auditions for the school musical with a hymn — from feeling too embarrassing.

5 Anthony Michael Hall as Danny O’Neill

Lady Bird is taken with Danny O’Neill the moment she sees his audition for the school musical. A good kid who comes from a well-off family, he and Lady Bird begin dating early into the school year. Danny invites her to spend her last Thanksgiving at home with his family, which disappoints Lady Bird’s family. Their relationship ends as quickly as it began when Lady Bird catches Danny kissing another boy after the musical’s opening night.

Anthony Michael Hall was the go-to Hollywood nerd in the 1980s, but getting the role of Danny would let him play a character with a little more depth. The emotional scene in The Breakfast Club where he explains what landed him in Saturday detention gives a glimpse of his range and impressive improv skills. It would also be a precursor for his performance in the coming-out scene Danny and Lady Bird share.

4 Patrick Dempsey as Kyle Scheible

Kyle Scheible is the cool, artsy boy most teenage girls wish they dated in high school. His dark brown curls, aloof attitude and musical talents draw Lady Bird in. But as their relationship progresses and she strays further away from Julie and her family, Lady Bird realizes Kyle’s charm was actually arrogance paired with a condescending tone. Played by Timothée Chalamet on the cusp of his stardom, Kyle is a character that makes young girls swoon and older women roll their eyes.

Before he was McDreamy, Patrick Dempsey was the lead in a few 1980s romantic comedies. With his boyish good looks, same floppy dark hair and casual smirk, it wouldn’t be hard to picture him in Chalamet’s shoes. Dempsey would bring his usual charm to Kyle as well, making it easy to see why Lady Bird was drawn to him.

3 Diane Lane as Jenna Walton

One of the most popular girls at Immaculate Heart of Mary, Jenna Walton is one person Lady Bird tries to always impress. She befriends Lady Bird around the time she starts dating Kyle, the two vandalizing a nun’s car together and hanging out with other popular kids. In a failed attempt to impress her, Lady Bird lies about her family’s financial status and home, causing a strain on their friendship when Jenna finds out the ruse.

During the decade, Diane Lane was most well-known for her role as Cherry Valance in 1983’s The Outsiders. Playing Jenna would go in the opposite direction, making Lane fall into a more stereotypical popular girl role. Gerwig used her script to give Jenna a little more depth, and Lane’s talents would allow her to give the supporting character even more life off the page.

2 James Earl Jones as Father Leviatch

Father Leviatch’s scenes in Lady Bird are brief but poignant. Played by stage actor Steven McKinley Henderson (seen with fellow Lady Bird castmate Timothée Chalamet in Dune), his moments on screen allow the audience to see beyond the titular teen’s skewed worldview. Leading the drama department in an exercise to see who cries first, Father Leviatch wins. His conversation with Marion later in the film shows just how touched by tragedy some around Lady Bird are, even when she thinks her life is harder.

Famed stage and screen actor James Earl Jones would be the perfect fit for Father Leviatch’s clerical collar. Versed in the words of playwrights like William Shakespeare and August Wilson, he’s a twin flame to Henderson. Jones’s booming voice and ability to tap into the deepest emotions would work in the role of the silently suffering priest.

1 Mary Wickes as Sister Sarah Joan

The principal of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Sister Sarah Joan helps Lady Bird in her attempts to navigate her last year of high school. Like Father Leviatch, her screentime is limited but resoundingly resonant. Unlike Marion, the nun tries to lead Lady Bird down the right path in a way that’s gentle and full of understanding. While discussing her college essay focused on Sacramento, Sister Sarah Joan poses the following question: “Don’t you think maybe they are the same thing? Love and attention?” This causes Lady Bird to take another look at her complicated feelings about her hometown and mother.

Mary Wickes is a character actress who knows how to play a nun, so Sister Sarah Joan is right up her alley. With a few little quips, the character would allow Wickes to channel her comedy talents while still keeping her portrayal grounded in reality. Her version of Sister Sarah Joan could give Lady Bird the kick in the pants she needs to become a better person before leaving home for college across the country.

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